The kids are amazing, they are simply gorgeous and fringe yoga is progressing nicely. The teacher training has been epic and the classes that I am managing to teach I am loving. I find it relatively easy to immerse myself in one or the other but trying to do both things at once or even flitting from one to the other is incredibly challenging and there have been times I have really struggled, let me rephrase I am really struggling. Not getting back to emails or clients, even friends quickly enough and not being present. All too often I’m busy checking an email or social media and not noticing what the kids are doing. I am being pulled in so many different directions that I am loosing the plot and my brain feels incredibly cluttered and in desperate need of some space. Where has my meditation gone? Where has my yoga gone? I need that to ground me and to elevate me and I am just not inspired to put it into my schedule because I am too tired. Although I know it is just what I need I cannot motivate myself at all.
Social media allows for us to post our perfect lives online and I realised I haven’t been writing my blog not only because I haven’t had a moment but because I didn’t want to share how difficult I am finding things……well hello there EGO!!!!! I’m woman enough right now to be real, to bare my soul and say hey guys, I am in serious need of some time to myself so I don’t crack, so I can be a better mum and so I can run my business more effectively. My hubby and I had a long sit down chat about what we can do to solve these issues. He feels terrible that he can’t be around more, he is working so hard and I am so proud of him for that, I know he is trying to better our life. With us not being close by to any family I can’t just descend on anyone and say I’m knackered, can you help me? So, we have a solution……a live in aupair and I am counting down the days till she arrives.
I think the fact that I now have a solution is the reason I can finally be honest and say it’s been hard. What’s tricky about saying that is I am so bloody unbelievably grateful for my wonderful children and my amazing life and I hate the “poor me” attitude, so to know now that we are finally sorting it fills me with energy and vigour. I know that other people are dealing with so so much more and I feel almost embarrassed to share this but on the same page I want people in the same boat to know that it is ok to admit that life isn’t easy sometimes. Even the most charmed life will have difficult times. As the great Buddha said, “we live in a continued state of impermanance……everything is temporary”.
I know I will still juggle and be busy because thats who I am. I like to be occupied and productive but I need to know that I will get those precious minutes/hours of time to do what I need to stay sane, my yoga, my meditation, time with my husband and time to really be present with my beautiful children. I will choose my spinning plates more wisely. It’s important not to compare lives and take too much notice of what people post on facebook and instagram, I am pretty sure other peoples lives are never as perfect as they seem. I’m no longer afraid to be honest and talk to people instead of constantly trying to be brave and baring the weight of hardship alone. I think when you open your heart to honesty and your eyes to all the people willing to help you will find the courage within yourself to ask for help. Then and only then will the answer appear!
OM SHANTI SHANTI SHANTI